Thursday, July 11, 2013

Ladies confused by beer or bad advice

"You walk into a bar. You pick up a beer menu. You’re a LADY, and you’re not sure what to order.”

This video makes me cringe.

[caption id="attachment_1234" align="alignright" width="220"]flatnonirtp2 1950s cans were marketed for both men and women, but were likely to have tasted like the metal they came in.[/caption]

This isn't the 1940's, you (most likely) are not wearing pearl earrings and a girdle, so although you are a LADY that doesn't mean you are a segregated and looked upon as a different species. Ladies being confused by beer or confused by bad advice- I vote the latter.

Claire Lower in her article today called: 'Ladies be confused by beer: Please stop trying to identify what a person drinks based on their genitals.' She rips the video into beautiful tiny weeny little shreds that are just about dainty enough to pass right through the video presenter's (and her bulky man mule's) itty bitty brains.

She goes on to state that: The Higgs Boson is confusing. Things written by David Lynch are confusing. The fact that my skin is both oily AND flaky is confusing. Beer is actually pretty simple.

All well made points that Nitch agrees with fully. She continues her points as they are taken into detail, ranting about the fact that they list three 'beers' while one is a cider, that the presenter is excited over a the 'pretty red' color of one beer and that the beer 'professional' is, in fact a male and excludes darks beers.

One of the reasons ladies through out recent history (we are talking the past, oh, 100 years or less) have had a dislike for beer is that beer tastes bad. Macro swill is gross (due to more reasons then is listable) and the female wonder women taste buds detect that while men were able to blind eye it in search of the intoxicating effect. Women are more likely to have better palates then men. "Better means that they can taste more flavors and smell more aromas because they havemore taste bud receptors."- Why women have better palates.

Sugar, Spice and Everything Nice

"Women tend to gravitate to sweet things" says the video beer 'professional'. This is a common statement because we've been told (by media and social conditioning) that we should. Note that the childhood saying say 'sugar, SPICE and EVERYTHING NICE.' Chocolate is sugar, hops are spicy, whiskey barrel aged double pecan porter is everything nice"

As for putting fruit in your beer. Damn Widmer Brothers (and later, Blue Moon), thank you for starting that crap. Absolutely don't put effing fruit in your beer, unless you are a professional beer cocktail mixologist, nothing should go in your beer other then your upper lip.

[caption id="attachment_1247" align="alignleft" width="420"]didnt_burn_the_beer A women's place is in the kitchen- over the brew kettle[/caption]

While on the topic of upper lips, make sure that your lips aren't greased and painted while sampling. Lipgloss and beer don't mix! Take it from me, a highly lady like woman who loves the ol' rogue and whale fat lip concoctions (I don't think my lipstick is really made of whales any more, I donate to the Sea Shepard), take a second in the bathroom to remove lip products before beer time. After drinking, or when there is a change from beer to something else, re-apply the gloss and color.

Ladies confused by beer -No-

Ladies confused by bad advice -Yes-

If you walk into a bar, you pick pick up a beer menu and you're a LADY, try not to be defined by what is in your pants (or skirt) but rather take a moment to think about how you feel, what you are interested in at present and ask the servers questions. It is their job to sample and explain the extensive beer list- if they are unable to do so, then leave- they hired idiots, they don't know what they are doing.

Happy beer hunting, ladies and gents!


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