Although the internet may tell you that drinking alcohol is not good for a bladder infection, a recently infected friend of mine swears that vodka (with cranberry concentrate), expensive red wine and ample amounts of craft beer cured her in one day.
Saturday night in Paris with a bladder infection can be rough, the bathroom lines at McDonald's can be a bitch and there is no getting away from the fact that one must drink to survive.
Round one of bladder cleanse: cigar shop
I took my infected friend to one of Paris's best cigar shops and forced her to sniff numerous phallic like items while she pee-pee danced.
We mixed vodka with organic cranberry concentrate and, cigar haul in hand, went to find the nearest bathroom. McDonald's, ew.
Round two of bladder cleanse: Jazz music
For all Saturdays hence forth, Nitch will be attending Jazz night at Hotel d'Aubusson. Cigars in a beautiful umbrella covered garden, live jazz music and (classy as fuck) rolled hand towels in the bathroom for each individual hand wash.
The cheese puffs perfectly complimented the red wine and the bladder infection was being beat back. Two hours at play and only 4 bathroom breaks! Fuck you webMD, alcohol will burn out the illness.
Round three of bladder cleanse: Brett infected beer
The house parties of beer geeks are the best because, although they involve many broken glasses, there is sure to be great beer. Saison Dupont and a brett infected IPA pulled through house taps. Can't serve infected beer at the bar? Have a house party and let everyone drink an evolved IPA. Better than the original!
After hours of salsa dancing and mangled French/Spanish/English conversations, my infected friend was fighting fire with fire. Infected beer beats infected bladder by 5 hours with only 3 bathroom breaks.
By morning the burn was gone. The infection was cured by cigars, alcohol abuse and fine Parisian socializing. Fuck you internet, we break the rules and get results.