Beer saturated Bend, Oregon spawns The Beer Painter

"Keep playing with your food and drinks- you never know what you'll discover!"

Karen Eland aka the Beer Painter is an Oklahoma born, Bend Oregon resident who takes the term "playing with your food," to new, artistic heights.

A drinkable medium!

Although Karen says that having taken a few art classes at the age of 15 got her solidly interested in the world of art, she didn't begin working with beer until four years ago.

The monochromatic nature of either coffee or beer painting is somehow both soothing and challenging to me. I really do find the shades of brown beautiful and the fact that it's a drinkable medium appeals to my whimsical side.

Don't think Beer Painter is limited to just tasty craft beers and rich urban coffees she also works with spices, tea, wine, and some liquors. If it is drinkable, she can paint with it!

Surrounded by beer in Bend, Oregon

It was an easy leap from doing coffee art to beer art being surrounded by so many quality brewers.

Karen views the brewing world with love and appreciation for the artisanship that is required in making our beloved brews:

I want to create more art to highlight the level of art that goes into making a delicious beer, whether it's individual ingredients or the procedures and chemistry.be

Karen is currently a certified beer geek who is not only is a hop loving Chainbreaker drinker but admits that her early beer interest was next to zip due to the distasteful taste of mainstream lager. That is until she tried McMenamins Terminator Stout:

and a whole new world opened up. It's not my favorite anymore but I like the path it set me on.

Also, like most beer geeks, Karen isn't able to choose just one beer that she loves the most, but does state that for the moment she would perhaps prefer something along lines of a bourdon-barrel aged dark beer. Maybe Three Floyd's Dark Lord, Deschutes's Black Butte XXV or, in fantasy rich and lucky land, Samuel Adam's Utopias.

Karen could then take on of the world's mots expensive beers and make one of the world's most expensive beer paintings: a bottle of Utopia goes for about $190. The important question is rather or not you'd be able to use such a fantastic and rare beer for art instead of lip smacking consumption?

How Beer Painter Paints

[caption id="attachment_1812" align="aligncenter" width="570"] Possibly one of her best pieces: 1920s Tour de France[/caption]

After drawing the sketch, I erase most of the pencil so it doesn't blur. Then I build many layers, usually from light (water mixed in) shades to the darkest. It's on absorbent watercolor paper called Arches, which has been made in France since 1492!

Score another point for France's bull headed determination to keep old traditions alive- super absorbent watercolor paper? Yeah, we do that. We do that the best and we've been doing it since before America was a country. Merci.

Karen states that even though she's done some huge paintings (including a four panel piece for Worthy Brewing), one of the most difficult pieces with a small commission of a lighthouse:

It was hard to get the right gentle fade of the light into the dark sky. It would have been easy in oil paint to just add the white light over the dark sky, but in beer painting you have to leave the paper showing through for the white parts. 

When asked of she was available for personal orders, ya know, a cat portrait done in the new Hello Kitty beer maybe, she not only said yes but also that she had already done a few cat portraits. (Reddit's cat addiction is seeping into all corners of reality.)

Your inner beer artist

There have been times when I've spilled a bit of beer on a napkin and thought- what pretty colors, but spilling drinks does not make one a painter make and Karen has shown just what can be done when you put America's favorite craft pastime with humanities most prevalent art form.

"And a big thank you to all the craft brewers and supporters! We are all a part of bringing more beauty to this world." -Karen Eland

Isn't she a delight!

Check out more from the Beer Painter with this video or on Etsy.com. Prices are extremely reasonable and if someone gets another one of those beer painted cat portraits commissioned, I'd love to see it!

XOXO

okay, one more

[caption id="attachment_1809" align="aligncenter" width="570"] this is my current desktop, I LOVE IT[/caption]

Paris resident and American national, Brandon aka American Beer Geek in Paris is 'Super Size'-ing his hop intake with a two week vow to imbibe only beer, #noH2o.

Man Survives On Hops

[caption id="attachment_1789" align="alignnone" width="600"] Brandon with his Nanny State[/caption]

That beer is BrewDog's Nanny State, a 0.5% abv near beer that was originally a joke concept created in 2009 as a rebuttle to local outcry at their then newly released 18% abv beer Tokoyo.

Nanny State follows in the steps of BrewDog's 3.5% abv IPA How To Dissapear Completely, taking the concept of a hop session to a new level.

'There is over 60 kilos used in our tiny 20HL batch. It contains more hops than any other beer ever brewed in the UK. It has a theoretical IBU of 225."

BrewDog states:

"You can buy some and make your own little protest against the bueorocracy and regulation epidemic that is apparently all that stands between us and the slow and gradual downfall of Western civilisation here."

Brandon is protesting against the 'bueorocray and regulation epidemic' of general health practicioners by depriving himself of water (he admits to having a glass of juice every now and then) and seeing if it is, in fact, possible to die from hops.

Death by Hops?

Google says that it isn't really possible, even the cdc doesn't have any cases of hop poisoning. Hops are a dangerous plant though- for dogs. And can be smoked by humans, but usually just causes a headache (first hand account, that one there).

Put a little beer on it

Not only does Brandon add the highly hopped beer to his cooking but substitutes Nanny State for his milk with cereal and keeps a bottle on his shower rack.

[caption id="attachment_1791" align="aligncenter" width="819"] How a man survives on hops[/caption]

BrewDog has got wind of Brandon's mission to prove the health abilities of low alcohol beer and have made a few suggestions themselves, including:

Steam his clothes with a beer-powered iron

Washing car

Boiling rice

Brushing teeth (a hop rinse please)

Hot Tea

But why not also:

A bubbly mixed fruit bowl

Nanny State and scotch (man's gotta drink while fasting)

Eye contact beer rinse

Or you could get real culinary and do what the Beeroness suggests:

IPA Ceviche lettuce wraps

IPA Caesar salad dressing

Jalapeno IPA Hummus

Old idea with new approach

Trying to kill oneself with beer isn't a new concept, my father tried to do it for years, just as humanity has  tried done ever since creating and consuming alcohol. Using beer in new creative ways is a funny thing to watch, like people sitting in cold beer baths or, heck way not fill your prosthetic legs with lager. But beer as means to internal health?

30 day beer cleanse to lose weight

Modern drunkard wakes up pools of his own shit

Brandon might not be changing the bureaucracy, finding the cure for cancer, or even deeply effecting his own physical well being (other than making his piss hop scented) by using .5% abv beer as a water substitute for two weeks but he is doing something we (American) beer geeks admire- pushing hop consumption to new, ever ridiculous levels.

Thumps up for #Man Survives On Hops!

XOXO

Tasting Location- Bières Cultes in Cardinal

Paris, France delivering another boutique beer location, this one with a tasting station and custom sampling classes- Bières Cultes in the 5th district, Cardinal.

With Brewberry being closed during regularly scheduled hours, I was off to find wifi so I could boo hoo on your shoulder when I walked past this joint:

[caption id="attachment_1741" align="aligncenter" width="516"] Bières Cultes Pic from Foodavenue.fr[/caption]

Hellllooo "work research"!

I love the beer business

No camera on hand today and, of course, your truly doesn't have a phone at all, let one with a fancy smancy camera attached. So you get net pictures and built in macbook photos.  And I get to be the crazy lady holding beers up to her monitor.



With four locations in Paris Bières Cultes is one of the craft beer heavy hitters at the moment and, although my store attendant wasn't the greatest, seeing shelves lined with beet bottles is a delight.

Xavier (store owner) working attendant has no sense of urgency (it's a French thing) and not a huge desire to pry into one's beer thoughts, but is a super chill dude with many beer answers who also happens to be a master gamer with sweet xbox skills.

There is a nice rounded selection of beers from around the world, including some French (Craig Allen) and a few American (Sierra Nevada). All the big hitters you'd imagine to be there (the Trappists, Brewdog, Chouffe), are in their place as well as the more commercial brews like Leffe, Pietra and Chimay (all available at the super market).

Tasting

Highlights

6. Multiple locations throughout Paris- accessibility is half the battle.

5. Free limitless wifi- for bloggin, tweeting and general anti-social activities

4. Groovy juke music- via store ipod and junky speakers in the back, I dig. I bet if I asked to play somethin, I'd be welcomed.

3. Outdoor seating area with four plastic chairs- for smokers I assume but still a nice little area for good weather appreciation or exploding bottle openings

2. Xbox with television- wasn't in use, but it's right behind the bar, ready to go so Xavier can show you his masterful gaming skills*.

1. Classes- Most inportantly is education! Shop manager Xavier says that if you give him a call, then we can put together a customized class for you and yours. Price is for the beer- education is free. W00t!

-1. they close at 9- they aren't an effing bar people so calm down. These guys close pretty early-beware, check the website.

[caption id="attachment_1740" align="aligncenter" width="494"] Bières Cultes- Bar area of 4 month old Cardinal location[/caption]

Verdict

It ain't no Cave à bulles but it's a step in the right direction! Bières Cultes is a great beer geeking outlet.

Lets us see about getting one of these classes put together and... a young attractive male with a unicycle (of all strange things) just walked in... he went right to his beer of choice- Gulden Draak

.... oh Parisians, how I love thee.

Thanx for giving my place to rest my lappy, Bières Cultes, and rest my metro tired heels while I enjoy your crafty selection and dig on the groove. Thumbs up for beer!

XOXO

 *master gamer status yet to be varified

The Session #79: Old World Beer vs New World Beer

The Session is upon us again and this month we are putting up dukes and drawing lines in the sand.

'What the hell has America done to beer?'

Thank you Ding for stirring things up. (as usual...)

The Session, a.k.a. ‘Beer Blogging Friday’, is an opportunity once a month for beer bloggers from around the world to get together and write from their own unique perspective on a single topic. Each month, a different beer blogger hosts the Session, chooses a topic and creates a round-up listing all of the participants, along with a short pithy critique of each entry. Friday September 6th will see my turn to ‘host’ The Session, #79 in the series.

Tasting Nitch was all ready to cat claw and pin wheel her lovely lady arms on the face of combatants around the world during this Old* vs. New** and 'what did they do?!' debate... but after laying out my words, then reviewing and revising, I found that I am all effing purrs and puffs today.

'USA versus Old World Beer Culture' or how I stopped worrying and learned to love the atomic hop

Ding, ding- let the games begin!

Round 1- I live in France

First off I want to say that I'm fully a New World fighter. I'm addicted to hops, I like beers with strange ingredients, I require pumpkin ale for the holidays and I not only demand fresh/unique beers on a rotating basis but I assume those around me do also. I am American and my opinions are loud.

That being said, it must be known that I live in France- the culture hoarders of the world, perfection in all things gastronomic and nasal expressions for things that displease. There is no beer culture beyond lager (some, but not much). And if you want to give me that shrug about being close to Belgium and Germany, then you can join these people.

Being in places void of New World beer flair has caused a dedication to the craft addiction bordering on insane, I admit. So when I hear people preach about Old World beer and it's perfection I get a little eye ball rolly. Classics are great but... when you've ridden the big roller coasters, the ferris wheel ain't got the same kick!

Round 2- It's about the generation not the location

Like the Star Wars series, great things will cycle and slightly evolve as the new generation moves in. The standard beer geek in the 80's was a wire rimmed, long-haired, science nerd who would often throw up the 'live long and prosper.' Today, the term 'beer geek' is becoming a fashion and people educating themselves about their drinking options is 'the cool thing'. Nothing wrong with that.

Hipsters might be something of the new world development. Can't hate em, they are going to inherit the world- bright yellow skinny jeans, sparrow tattoos, mustaches and all.

[caption id="attachment_1776" align="aligncenter" width="720"] Hipster evolution[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1774" align="aligncenter" width="750"] Evolution of Canadian Beer[/caption]

Old world is was stagnant. Until New world rolled in and reminded the beer world (the entire world) that crafting things with love creates people who love what they craft. And a community to support it.

The fact that Belgium nearly lost it's entire brewing culture up until the 90's due to over commercialization is something a lot of Belgian brewers will admit to. They give thanks to New World's crazy unique beer addiction (while also blaming them for the bastardization to begin with).

Check out this interview with Yvonne De Baets from Brassier de la Senne. (5:00 in gets to the topic)

Old world needs to shakes hands with New world, pat it on the head, thank it for the help across the street and offer up some words of wisdom. Maybe something like, "Don't call them Lambics if they're made in the US. Lambic is specific to Payottenland. Feel free to make what you want and call it what you want, other than Lambic. Good luck, kiddo."

Round 3- Make beer, not war

If you ask a German who invented beer (after a bit of name dropping and switch foot confusion) say it was Germany. Ask an English man where the best beer comes from and he is bound to bring out the hail storm of British beer history, rather or not traditional english ales are his favorite.

We all have our traditions, roots and misconceptions about beer, which is why the time has come to let go of dependable old Reinheitsgebot and let the blending begin.

Beer culture is as vast as the vats that created it.

So yeah, New World beer is mucking up the traditionally clean waters of the brew house- but think what a little mud would do for the flavor of the beer? For good or bad, stagnant Old World beer needed a little alkalization in the mix to keep from incestual death.

Keep the traditions alive! By allowing the younger generations to play, Ding. We might be psychotic addicts to over hype but New World is the future and the base of our future is the love of doing what we do, the way we do it (with costume parties, hop injectors and frankenstein beer concoctions).

Knock out

[caption id="attachment_1777" align="alignright" width="191"] China is doing it too...[/caption]

What about countries like Brazil, Chile, China and South Africa? They are starting to making newer, more complex and possibly even MORE completely bastardized beers! Will it then be Old World vs New World vs Future World?

How about we make it One World.

One Beer World, under Ninkasi, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Now, lets shake on it.

XOXOX

*Old world- Belgium, Germany, The United Kingdom, and any other place that once had real kings and queens in stone castles.

**New World- Canada, the United States, Australia (aaaand... then you have everyone else who isn't Old World but doesn't quite rock the boat as much as the first three.)

 

Beer Freaks! What do they eat, wear and Hello Kitty?

That is right, my sweet faced friends and subscribers, today is something special. Today is a hot, buttery bustling day in Paris and to go with that mess of cultures and coffees, we have a...

[caption id="attachment_1714" align="aligncenter" width="259"] see what I did there... mash tun.. mash up... oh the cleverness of me![/caption]

Step one:

What does a proper beer geek slip into after his/her morning beer soak?

All Beers has you covered with this blog and vid about the exceedingly trendy beer thread location in São Paulo, Brazil called Beer Freaks.

With freakishly funny and uniquely geeky beer gear, Beer Freaks delivers the social requirement for chest coverings while keeping with the time old nerd tradition of statement piece cotton t-shirts.

Loads of female options (go boobs!) and even some sweat shirts for our cold weather drinkers (Canada, I'm looking at you.)

[caption id="attachment_1715" align="alignleft" width="198"] Beer Freaks does beer and zombies effectively doubling the nerd point out put[/caption]

The site is slightly confusing, being all in Portugeuse but my google translate tells me that international shipping isn't an option at this time. Ebay? No luck. Asos, nothing. I give up. I shot over a desperate tweet asking how beer freakers like you and I could get our sticky LME hands a shirt or two. Update when available.

Step Two:

Slap some beer flavored chocolate butter on toasted bread and juice your oj- breakfast of champions. OR, if you are American Beer Geek in Paris and you are trying to Super Size Me yourself to death with hops (#ManSurvivesHops), pour a Nanny State and dip your beer nutella in that.

Unfortunately, like the Beer Freaks threads, Birra Spalmabile (spal-ma-bile? We need this pronounced by an Italian), will not be available in the US and costs about £25 ($40 or  €30) for shipping around the EU. Selfridges&Co says they have plans to get the stuff over to the US in the next coming months, but don't hold your breath and hope that the reasonably low price of jar (£8, $12, or €9 depending on the day) doesn't change with it's new found popularity.

Steps Three and Four:

Slip on your favorite Hello Kitty sneakers, put on your Hello Kitty hat and headphones, apply your hello Kitty glip gloss, comb your beard with your Hello Kitty beard comber and grab a few bottles of your new Hello Kitty beer from the Hello Kitty refrigerator before leaving your Hello Kitty house.



Oh yeah- Hello Kitty beer, that just happened.



This Hello Kitty beer thing has happened before with Beck's, but never has it had such exciting new flavors!

Hello Kitty lemon lime, Hello Kitty peach! Passion fruit and Banana Hello Kitty beer might be out there in Bejing somewhere but no one has yet to sample it. Mostly marketed for China, this Beer Gear Mash piece might also not be available to the common American- yet.

[caption id="attachment_1724" align="alignleft" width="214"] Not available in Hello Kitty pink, unfortunately[/caption]

To keep your Hello Kitty Peach flavor beer chilly fresh, put the cans in this Case Coolie. Lightweight, ice-less, build in holder and all the Case Coolie is your picnic, tailgating Hello Kitty shopping best friend.

Our Beer Gear has been mashed together and we are ready to set out on anther hop hunting adventure!

For other beer related (but not drinkable) ideas, including a prediction about our future selfs downloading beer directly into our cortex, check out The BeerCast with: is drinking passé?

XOXO

 

Hot girl in a cold beer bath

"It's so cold!"

http://youtu.be/oBvDOzKcIZs

The hot 'german' girl who refuses to take her shorts off, as she lowers herself into the malty beer bath, harping about the mountain cold beer.

Spur of the moment video? No time for the beer to room temperature.

If it warmed it would have smelt even worse.

This is no Pilsen beer bath with optional massage, ya know. No sweet malts and grassy notes. The germans over in Pilsen don't do 'beer bath' so much as 'beer spa' and you are intended to relax and beauty brew. It's on my life check list to fall asleep in a hot beer bath with a heff in my hand, nearly drowning in my own golden froth wonder.

What a way to die.

Beer IS good for you hair btw. Check here for details and it likely to have equally great attributes for the skin, but dunking oneself in a cold Budweiser bath isn't going to much other then make you reek of frat house after party.

As for your beer bath maven being german....

...lets give them points for fantasy creativity.

She's hot, the beer is cold- we the point.

There are so many juicy beer bath pictures that I'll leave you with a montage:

 

 

James Deen, Samual Smith and other pornographic findings

"my name is james i am a simple guy who likes to eat sleep and watch tv... oh ya i also bang chicks for a living :-)"

Through some route of reddit discovery I ended up reading an article about a guy named James Deen. Not James Dean, James Deen- the porn star. I watched a few internet interviews, decided I liked the guy's style and added his blog to my news feed. Then I grabbed my personalized Crown Royal bag of goodies and went to see what his cock looked like.

[caption id="attachment_1671" align="alignnone" width="628"] James Deen on the set of GQ- article here but read this, because it is shorter and more interesting[/caption]

I compared his filmography with my current pornography collection and was not surprised (because it is a vast collection) to found him in a few flicks, but then was surprised to find him a fair amount of the films (not a menial feat). Startled that I hadn't recognize him (one tends to watch the girls) but delighted to find that his range was as varied Angelina Jolie's husbands. One movie he is all kissing, rubbing and the comedic guy next door and the next he is master slave driver and leather toy collector.

But.. This is a beer blog...Put your pants on?

After hours of video research with no connection to beer, I was about to get my sticky fingers back at the keyboard for some serious writing when I discovered this:

"i personally like stouts and porters."

-JamesDeenBlog

Ah HA!

Blog went something like this:

"Oatmeal stouts and London porters are the only ones I really like, like Old Rasputin from North Coast Brewing."

-bon app mag

There you have it- the man knows the name of a fairly good beer, a craft brewery and sub styles beyond simple stout and porter. Fairly beer geeky- level 3, I'd say.

[caption id="attachment_1675" align="alignright" width="300"] Old Rasputin- One of James Deen's favorite beers[/caption]

Like an x-files episode, I started uncovering how beer world Nitch was related to Porn world James Deen

Beer Nitch vs Porn James Deen (JD)

JD entered the porn industry at 18 and found the secret to happiness- doing what you love.

Nitch entered the craft beer industry at the age 18 and found the secret to happiness- brewing what you love.

When I tell people about my love of the beer industry and how, basically in all ways I can think of, it is the most amazing career to have, they smile and agree. Same thing happens with JD- ya just can't complain when you are bagging out the stuff you love, be is beers or buttholes.

James Deen has a real name- Bryan

Nitch has a real name- Nichole

My stage name doesn't get screamed by women in heat, but it does get a of !!!'s after it when people are sharing tweets about me.

JD born in 1986

Nitch born in 1986

Both children of the 80's but no cognitive memories until the 90's

[caption id="attachment_1679" align="alignright" width="512"] Most enjoyed childhood tv show-Nitch[/caption]

JD Loves Food (the show), but in particular French food.

Nitch loves food, but she lives in France and misses burritos.

JD is a massive tech nerd and is the premier porn man to use the new google glass for PoV porn. Watch trailer here.

Nitch is just a nerd- all good nerds want google glass. Think auto Untappd!

JD one has sex with someone who interviewed him.

Nitch once had sex with someone she interviewed.

When you are done judging books bey their cover, it is time to flick through the pages.

Dirty, dirty, dirty! Do it again

We've discovered something here my friends- Porn and Beer are natural relatives. Horney twice removed same-age cousins maybe.

Beer geek girl mixing two fantasy favorites together. Maybe I'll start making beer porn like this, but with boob and buttholes instead of anime nerding.

Porn people seem like fun loving, down to earth folks- just like the beer community people- we both deal in the basic, primal careers of mankind. Beer, boobs and buttholes*.

Signing off for the day, requesting James Deen to send craft beer and cock photos, but accepting all personal beer + nude submissions*.

XOXO

*the last two are, at the moment, primarily for personal and adult industry use but with Nitch's driving force beer and boobs will be much closer then they are today, someday. Someday.

*all lovely dirty, dirty submissions will be shared with the Tasting Nitch reader world, after being personally appreciated by the moderator.